As I near the age of 24 in the matter of weeks I can only think that with a couple more blinks of an eye that another lifetime will pass before my very eyes and I will be 50.
Six years ago seems not so long ago when I was finally 18, the day I had long awaited to be granted my own liberty and ability to be treated an accepted as an adult. I remember December 10th, 2005 as clear as yesterday. That very night I realized that being 18 only presented me with more responsibility and accountabilty. The shennanigans I particpated in before would only offer me fun for so long before consequences would result of my choices, at which point I would not be treated like a child.
What does six years ago have a thing to do with today? Not much besides the fact that I could describe every detail like it was yesterday, or that was the night I first slept with my son's father. Anyway my recollections of six years ago are not at all vague. I find great significance in understanding the concept of time. Years of life continue to fly by me faster than the each year before and time does not stop, wait, pause, or rewind.
Today I still find myself questioning my inner thoughts, beliefs, goals, desires, and the life around me. What's right? What's wrong? What's acceptable, what's not? What do I really want? What can I do? What prevents me from going where I want to go? Where am I even going? Six years ago I was so sure of myself and driven, today offers me nothing but an overpowering, overwhelming emptiness. I have no since of certainty and no security. I feel as though as each day keeps passing and I keep missing days of truly living. Some of these feelings are warranted by reason and the others are present without explanation. This blog serves as a tempory method of self expression and thought on a journey to an unknown destination.
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